It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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