yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
