I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
