SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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