I wish I could teleport
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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