Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
