Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
