Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
