I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
