nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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