Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
