Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
