evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
