No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
