Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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