the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
