i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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