I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Randomize
