Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
