the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
