You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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