i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
