I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
