We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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