Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
