Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
