Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
