and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
