I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
