I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
