what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
