On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
