We're facebook friends in real life
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
