Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We're too hungover to prance.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
