Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
