So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
