you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
