My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
