We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
