I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
