at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize