Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
