Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize