Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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