is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
