she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
