bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
