I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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