The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
