The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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