So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
