not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
