My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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