splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
