Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
