Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
