So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
