At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
