boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
