There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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