maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize