Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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