do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize