Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
