Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
