Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
