did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
