She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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