I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I faked an abortion last night.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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