My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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