Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
