her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize