Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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