I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
