i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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