Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize