Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
